By Pete Cranmer I’m not too good at love songs Allow me to explain I’m really crap at diphthongs And it’s plain that you’re insane. I tried to write you this one It’s turned out rather lame. I miss you very often. I must improve my aim. #DarkPoetsClub #DarkHumourBitterIrony

By Rhonda Yates Step 1: Assume the world will misunderstand you. Step 2: Stomp your hooves. Loudly. Often. Step 3: Accumulate possessions. Do not question why. Step 4: Offend someone with your stubborn honesty. Apologize if convenient. Step 5: Nap through most crises. Observe chaos from a safe distance. Step 6: When life offers bitter irony, chew it slowly. Digest it grudgingly. Step 7: Repeat steps 1–6 until bored or hungry. Optional: Smile. For effect. It confuses people. W

By Mary Mulholland Somehow the rose-haired tarantula comes to mind, how she lives alone, hides her fangs – but don't we all? Docile, despite all her legs, until he swaggers up, taps away, his irresistible belly-dance. She falls every time. Taps hers in response. They dance, mate, thirty seconds, it's over for him – unless he gets out superfast. Her eyes in the clouds, she digs in, not seeing. And isn't that how it goes? Each time I sabotage it, when what I really want to say