ODE TO A MOTHER

By Rosemary Tumilty

Dedicated to those who have experienced miscarriage or stillbirth. An existential poem from the viewpoint of the unborn child, based on studies of Maternal Inheritance of foetal mitochondrial DNA.

I am the essence of light,

the shadows, the dark,

and every element and filament in between.

I am your waking moments,

your daydreams, your nightmares.

You imagine the soft, fluffy down of my new-born hair,

who I might resemble, who’s nose and ears I might have,

how I might giggle, smile.

Tears for my lost childhood,

my first day at school I’ll never see,

fun days out we’ll never have,

young adult I’ll never become,

loves I’ll never meet.

I am the crash of the ocean, breaking over

jagged rocks and harbour walls of your heart.

On the edge of this island the teal green underbelly of whale-like waves,

edged with white foam and flotsam, roil and tumble; leaden skies, slashed with sleet,

play host to screaming gulls, their cry of pain, loss, injustice.

Talk to me in the dead of night –

that veiled platform where daylight does not exist.

Pull aside the drapes of grief’s gossamer, unburden your soul to me,

for I have eternity – to stop and listen.

Lifelong dreams, shattered in the split second between

the scan, the haunted look in a weary obstetrician’s eyes,

and those five meaningless words – “I’m sorry for your loss.”

#darkpoetsclub