AMBIGUOUS LOSS

By Wildflower

I dreamt that you were dead

My paralysed scream trapped

inside my devouring-dreams

Stinking of beer you demanded

I walk you home, I declined, out-of-fear

In the morning you were found

'She's dead' said the policeman

He coldly frowned, My lungs bled

Heart’s rhythmic beat, fleeted

Distant hollow cave drowned, rattled in rage

Sobbing slumber, for the mother

I could not encumber

Lost years ago to aberration

Any Nightingale would flail defeated

Tears fled my sunken ships

 Vessels empty with a hint of guilt-ridden defeat

Failed to cure the abyss of obscure

Evaded the abattoir of dysfunction

Deserted you on a derelict dinghy

Saved myself at the nearest junction

 Wilted rose, beauty waning

Before you drifted to rougher roads

Why do you not grow?

Blossom forgotten as thorns thrive

Pity how loves fruitful bloom

Defied saving you; from the children's fiend

The generational trauma ghoul

He who pities no fool. Like death does the dark

Engulfs with a laugh. Ushering her through that door

'Heaven or hell?!' His villainous voice yells

As eyes dismayed, wide like sky, clouded stars

prayed for another chance. My mother, this curse

How ambiguous loss crossed me

With no formal goodbye to nurse.       

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