SOMETIMES

By LJ. Bleddyn

I cut myself open and compare my heart strings to others

read the blue and red veins like lines on an open palm

mitigate the differences and twist at the similarities

same same, but different in my vein paths

I wonder why all I've done is chase my own tail for a decade

circling in on each other like some destructive rat-king

their paths show brick, foundations and funds: security

I can scrutinise all day, until the young moon waxes across the sky

but the reality is, my heart was in survival mode for too many years

See here? The lines foretell the violence and shadows

were it someone else's heart I might say,

'you survived, be kind to yourself'

but no, it's not enough, why does security illude me?

For I can read anger in the twitch of a finger and anticipate

grief from deep sighs, notice anxiety in the flick of a wrist

And judgment from a slow blink

I have mastered the art of reading every line

in every human form as long as I can remember

built into me from the crib, to anticipate

for those who like the smell of blood

and yet, my own path forever alludes me

for I can never forgive the claws of survival that shaped me

#DarkPoetsClub