AGING KILLER

By Caitlin Janczys

I murdered her

The girl I once was

I ripped her supple flesh with my jagged nails

I tore chunks of her out with my cigarette teeth

I screamed in a chaos I thought justified as I cracked open her ribs

I smeared her young heart blood on my face and neck

Her soul I devoured as reward

I murdered her

I thought I had to

But now what stares back at me in the middle of the night I fear is far sadder than the potential of what I destroyed so long ago

That blood now caked into the fine lines of my drooping face

Hair thinning and falling lifeless around fat widened shoulders

I murdered her

The angry, confused, sad yet vibrant girl of all my yesterdays

All so that her killer can now look in the mirror before the start of everyday just to mumble

“Who are you?”

I murdered her

She stirred such violent anger in me

Oh how I hated the way she would . . . she would . . .

Why had I hated her so?

That girl of romantic melancholy

She used to write all her thought on colorful sticky notes that she slapped to the walls of her room on sleepless nights

She used to walk around with paint flaking under nails and dogwood flowers in her wavy hair

I murdered her

That girl with sad pretty eyes

I flayed her parts and left the carcass to rot

I murdered her

And I think miss her

#darkpoetsclub