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YEARNING FOR ONE LAST DAY OF WINTER



Spring is dawning once again

just as I wished she would for half a season.

The déjà vu of bittersweet memoirs,

locked away and retold a thousand times

to my imaginary friends and limerent objects.

Merely projections to fill up dark lonely days

and restless nights when dreams just won't come.

 

Mostly she is welcome and kisses me on the cheek warmly,

like a soft, eternal blossom.

Today she feels like an unwelcome acquaintance.

The kind you must humour, the one everyone likes to see, except me.

I am not ready for her cheery superficiality.

her playful energy and a disingenuous smile.

 

I have been willing her for so long now.

feeling the rising anticipation as she peeks through

the velvet curtains of the far end of winter.

You have taken your time!

Now, let me take mine.

 

Just for today, let me stay in the safe embrace of winter.

I want to hibernate for just one more day.

Let me retreat to the vernal womb that protected me

for hundreds of nights and days, in my self-imposed cave.

 

All energy was spent absorbing the darkness

to filter and shine out the light that was scarce within me,

used up through fighting the battles of my inner sanctum.

The parts you cannot see.

 

Right now, if your Springtime light insists on shining upon me,

and penetrates without consent, without readiness,

I swear I will transmogrify it, spitefully into the darkness

of an entire lifetime of cruel winters!


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