MY THERAPIST ASKS WHAT PART OF ME IS SPEAKING

By Mary Mulholland

once i saw a newborn lamb

with no eyes/ no tongue

a red gore in its chest

a raven had eaten its lungs

& from a tree clacked shut its long beak

eyed the field blackly

as it lay in neonate wetness

i heard that lamb gasp its last

the mother utter staccato meh

my family liked to tuck into tongue

corned beef & spam

i've never eaten tongue but i have

confessed to a priest i murdered

thousands of insects/ had pets put to sleep

through the mesh he swallowed a laugh

& absolved me with a 'glory be'

what i really wanted to say was

once i had a desire

to kill a baby

it was more of a toddler

his name was paul

i was eleven

he was too beautiful to live

he was born in shame

the downstairs whispers

the drumbeat meat of my cheeks

the clang of bells  

my therapist asks what part of me

is dead

or too ugly to live

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