By Phoebe Elms
Red billows seep on the water’s surface,
Cuts to my veins to symbolise the pain,
My way of coping in this hell’s furnace.
Gaining shocked looks as if I’ve gone insane.
Levels rising, but my body’s frozen,
Relinquishing to the water’s calm lilt,
This is not the way I would have chosen,
But thinking of you only brings more guilt.
Blinded by the darkness, I see no light,
Just flashing images of the way out.
There’s no other way, the noose is too tight.
A swift, plaguing plan to end every doubt.
My floundering voice reaches no one’s ears.
Thrashing limbs as depression takes control.
I’m powerless to my mind’s pointed spears,
I sink in debt ’cause I can’t pay the toll.
I’ve fought for so long, but never for me,
That gouged out pieces of my heart each day,
Which left me empty with my life’s debris.
I’m now heartless, so don’t ask me to stay.
I splutter my final breath and plunge in,
Heaviness of soul weighting me under.
I can’t do this anymore, free my sin.
A burden no more, your lives I won’t plunder.
Bubbles hover above, not from a wand.
Rupturing pain enters my submerged lungs.
This has to end, surrender to the pond,
Because I’m at the bottom of life’s rungs.
The pain not equal to the heart’s torment,
As, ‘I’m sorry’ fizzles into my mind.
I have to do this, so please don’t lament,
My eyes forced closed; to my fate, I’m resigned.